


The One Who Lives

by jujus_writing_corner



Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Category: Real Person Fiction, Youtube RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27112205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujus_writing_corner/pseuds/jujus_writing_corner
Summary: It’s one of those days where the weight of Eric’s past keeps him pinned to his bed, crying under the covers. The Jims are the ones who come to comfort him.Whumptober Day 19: Broken HeartsPrompt: Grief/Mourning Loved One/Survivor’s Guilt
Relationships: Eric/Jims if you squint
Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947961
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	The One Who Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Eric is babey and needs love, those are just facts :'3
> 
> Enjoy!

Eric is happy. He likes living among the egos, likes being a part of such a big group. He likes hanging out with Oliver at his workstation, walking through the greenhouse with Bim, helping out in the nursery with Ed, and adventuring with the Jims. Even the egos he isn’t directly friends with are kind to him when they pass each other in the halls, and even the more intimidating egos have yet to take issue with Eric and mostly leave him be. The building is warm in winter and cool in summer, there’s always enough to eat, and he’s has a comfortable bed to sleep in with his own room to boot. He has everything he needs, and everything he wants.

But sometimes, some days, he wakes up and there’s a hole inside of him that can’t be filled.

Today is one such day. He doesn’t even bother getting out of bed, just slumps deeper under the covers, curling into a tight, sad ball. His glasses are still on his nightstand, but that’s not the only reason his vision is blurry. He sniffles a little. He’s only just woken up, and he’s too tired to truly cry.

It’s not like he doesn’t know what the matter is. It’s not like he doesn’t have nightmares about it, doesn’t think about it all the time. Even if not consciously, it’s always there in the back of his mind, gnawing at him:

_Why am I the one who lived?_

Eric remembers the way the bus lurched, then rolled. He remembers how his brothers swore and yelled and screamed as the bus tumbled. It was like being inside a washing machine, getting tossed and turned and smacking into the seats, the walls, even his brothers. He clacked skulls with someone – Leric? Meric? Eric still doesn’t know for sure – and lost consciousness. When he woke up, he had no legs, and no brothers. He has legs now – propped up at his bedside, waiting to be put on – but nothing could ever bring his brothers back.

Tears start to spill out of his eyes. Why was it him? Why wasn’t it one of the older ones, one of the stronger ones, one of the smarter ones? Why was the youngest, most pathetic brother the one who survived? Why was he left alone in a house too big for two, why was he the only one Derek could put his hopes on? He knows Derek thought the same thing, often, but how can he resent it when he asks the same questions? When he laid awake at night – still does, sometimes – wondering why he was spared?

But that wasn’t enough. Somehow fate saw it fit to spare him twice. Because Derek isn’t here anymore, is he? Eric remembers that, too, remembers watching the fans forget about Derek, watching him disappear into thin air. They’d only been at Ego Inc. for a few weeks, only just gotten used to things there, and then Derek died and Eric had to start over. He added another question to his nightly laments:

_Why am I the one they remember?_

Eric doesn’t know why the fans latched onto him so readily. He doesn’t know what about himself made the fans decide he was the one they wanted to keep. Derek was older, wiser, stronger, stubborn and steadfast and determined to take life by the horns to get what he wanted. Even after Eric’s brothers died, he made the best of it. He brought Eric into his business and tried to move forward. What did Eric do? Cry, mostly, and beg not to work in advertising anymore. What about that is worth saving? Do the fans love him _because_ he’s weak? Because he’s so pathetic and useless they can’t help but want the best for him? If that’s true, Eric doesn’t deserve it.

He doesn’t deserve to be the only one who lived. He doesn’t deserve to be the only member of his family still standing.

Or curling tighter into his blankets and crying harder beneath the covers, as Eric is doing now.

After some time – Eric doesn’t bother to mark how long – he hears a knock at his door. He supposes he should’ve expected someone to come by eventually; it’s happened before. He doesn’t bother to answer.

“Anxious Jim, are you okay?” asks the familiar voice of RJ, “Can we come in?”

Eric is a little surprised. Most often it’s Bim who comes by to snap him out of these funks, and sometimes it’s Ed. But it’s never been the Jims. Granted, Eric _is_ their friend, and it’s not that weird that they’d try to help Eric out of one of these spells eventually. But Eric doesn’t want it to be right now. He likes the Jims a lot, too much for his own good, and he doesn’t want them to see him at his lowest.

He doesn’t want them to see the pathetic person who shouldn’t have survived.

“AJ, we decided we’re coming in!” RJ exclaims from outside the door. There’s a pause, as though he’s planning to break the door down, then the sound of the doorknob turning. “Oh. Good call, CJ!”

That might have made Eric laugh if he wasn’t so miserable. As it stands now, he can’t imagine feeling happy at all. Ego Inc. has everything he needs, everything he wants, everything that makes him happy, but he shouldn’t still be here to have it. Derek should, his brothers should. Not Eric. Eric doesn’t deserve any of this.

He sure doesn’t deserve the Jims sitting on his bed with him, either, but they do. Eric can feel his bed dip down at two different points, one beside him and one just past his legs. Only his messy dark hair is visible beyond the covers, and Eric ducks down under the blanket, rendering himself completely hidden. A slender hand touches his shoulder through the blanket, and another one gently lays over his thigh – RJ and CJ respectively, Eric can tell even through the covers. He shudders and continues to quietly cry.

Eric expects them to say something – or for RJ to say something, at least. That’s what everyone always does. Bim tries to cheer him up, Ed tells him that it’s okay to be upset. Eventually Eric will decide to let their words in and get up, get dressed, and leave his room, but he’ll be less lively for the rest of the day. But RJ doesn’t say anything at all, and CJ doesn’t try to write letters with his hand over Eric’s leg. He doesn’t move his hand at all, and neither does RJ. They both keep their hands on Eric, gentle and comforting, completely still. Eric’s never known either of them to be so motionless when they aren’t asleep. They’re always fidgeting and tapping fingers and bouncing in place. But not now. Not while they’re sitting with Eric. Eric can feel their warmth through the blanket, feel their care and concern. Minutes pass, and Eric still cries, but he never stops registering the twins’ hands.

A while later, much later than it would be if Eric had Bim or Ed talking to him, Eric finally uncurls and sits up in bed. RJ is next to him at the front of his bed, and CJ is sitting in the middle of the bed, just beyond where Eric was laying. Eric expects the Jims to get excited like Bim or encouraging like Ed, pushing him to face the day whether intentionally or not. But while the Jims noticeably perk up to see Eric out from under the covers, they don’t speak yet, they don’t jump or move. There’s a long pause as Eric waits for them to talk, only to realize that the Jims are doing the same for Eric. But Eric doesn’t trust his voice yet. He sits there, hair a mess, eyes red and puffy, tears still tracking his cheeks.

Eventually, RJ moves to gingerly take Eric’s glasses off his nightstand and hold them out to him, smiling nervously but kindly. Eric doesn’t know why that sets him off again, but it does, and he starts to cry in earnest again, shaking his head in response to RJ.

RJ and CJ visibly startle. They don’t seem to know what to do next. Eric is glad he can’t see their expressions through the tears. He feels RJ come closer, slowly and cautiously putting his arms around Eric, as though he expects Eric to push him away at any moment. But Eric could never refuse a hug from RJ, and it’s suddenly the only thing he wants. He lets RJ wrap his arms around his shoulders, though he keeps his own hands balled on his lap as he cries. After a moment, CJ crawls forward, and RJ moves one arm away from Eric’s shoulders to give CJ enough room to hug Eric too. And hug him he does, a little gentler than RJ and no less caring.

The three stay huddled for a long while, heads bowed together as the Jims watch over Eric and rest their cheeks in his hair. Eric doesn’t mind it; it’s another source of contact, another touch giving him warmth. Their arms don’t waver, don’t loosen, don’t twitch, even as the minutes pass. Eric’s crying subsides, but he’s not ready to move just yet. But he thinks he will be soon. Maybe he doesn’t feel like he’s earned the right to be the only one of his family still here, but he _is_ here, and if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have the Jims’ arms around him, holding him together and lifting him up.

The hole in Eric’s chest doesn’t fill in, it doesn’t shrink. But it slowly films over with something protective, something to keep it closed for the time being and let Eric start to breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave a comment! They absolutely make my day :'3


End file.
